Before we get into the 3 steps, it’s important that you first identify what’s bothering you or why you think that your relationship is drifting apart. The fact is that a relationship can be damaged by many different things, too many to really list here. It is important that you are up front with your feelings because hiding them can lead to other problems.
Step 1: Establish Communication
The first and most important action is communication. Many times just talking with one another can reveal problems that need to be resolved or reasons that may have caused the distance. It is important not to accuse or use “you” statements that may make your partner feel cornered or defensive. A successful relationship takes two people who are willing to work. You both need to realize that there is a problem and that there needs to be a solution, instead of pointing fingers.
Step 2: Identify the Problem and Take Action
It doesn’t need to be fancy or written down, but each person should identify four things:
- What is the problem or why does my relationship seem to be drifting apart? It is important to be upfront with your feelings using “I” statements. (“I feel unloved or unappreciated”, NOT “you don’t love or appreciate me”)
- What is causing that problem? Explain the problem and why you feel the way you do.
- What factors can I control? Usually when your relationship feels broken, it is due to many different things. It is important focus only on the issues that you can manage and resolve.
- What can I do to help resolve the problem? As a couple, you are a team. It is essential that you work together to help solve the problem. If one person refuses to help or thinks that the other is the only one who should put in the effort, the problem will never be fixed.
Identifying the answers to the above questions will help you find the true problem. Then, again as a team, talk about actions you both can take to get closer together. Each person should not only put in the effort, but also act in support of the other.
Step 3: Get Back to the Basics
The third step is to get back to the basics. Many times our relationships seem doomed because we have forgotten what it means to be in love. It is important that you focus on making couple time a priority, doing things together on a regular basis. The longer we have been together, the less amount of energy we put into romance. Date each other, laugh together, and relive some of the moments you had when you first started dating. Each moment you spend with your partner gives the opportunity to fall in love all over again (which is our main goal at Crated with Love)!