Does your partner enjoy sayings such as “actions speak louder than words” or “you can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk”? If so, chances are their primary love language is Acts of Service.
In this post, we’ll explain the Acts of Service love language, take a look at some examples, and give you a fund and easy date night game to help you strengthen this language!
If you haven’t yet discovered your love language, we’d like to invite you to take this free quiz.
Acts of Service Explained
People whose primary love language is Acts of Service feel your adoration by the things you do. Actions that go above and beyond help them feel your love towards them. They can be things like mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, or getting up in the middle of the night to take care of the little one, letting you sleep. Anything that can make your partner feel appreciated or that can help make their life easier.
Now, there is an interesting caveat to the Acts of Service love language, and one that may not seem fair, but it’s something that should be addressed. The most powerful acts are those that are done spontaneously or without asking. Acts that supersede expectations.
Let’s take a look at John and Jane as an example!
Let’s say it’s Jane’s job to do the dishes. She’s been doing it for years. Unfortunately, John (whose primary love language is Acts of Service) has grown accustomed to Jane doing the dishes and almost expects it. Does this make that act any less meaningful? It shouldn’t, but sometimes that expectation can cloud the act. So when John says that they need Jane to do more acts to feel loved, you could understand why Jane may feel hurt or frustrated. She sees doing the dishes as an act of service that is being overlooked.
If you or your partner has Acts of Service as your primary love language, it’s important to have an open conversation about these things. In this case, it can be a two-way street.
Sticking with the above example, if Jane wants to show their love, they may need to think of acts that go beyond expectation. Things that are spontaneous or unique.
On the other hand John should see and show appreciation for all the acts that Jane does on daily basis to help make their life easier, even if she’s been doing them for years.
Like most of the languages, it doesn’t always need to be some grand gesture. If John notices that Jane’s car is a little dirty, he can get up an extra hour earlier to go get it washed. And seeing Jane’s face when she finds a newly washed car can be so rewarding!
Look for small acts that can create some big responses from your partner.
Examples of Acts of Service
- Prepare breakfast, lunch, or dinner if your partner is usually the cook.
- Clean your partner’s car before they wake up.
- Take the kids and leave your partner to relax with no responsibilities for a few hours.
- Take out the trash.
- Pick up their mail.
Acts of Service: Date Night Challenge
JACKS, QUEENS, AND KINGS OF SERVICE
What you’ll need: Piece of Paper, Pen, and a Pack of Playing Cards
What to do:
On your piece of paper, write down three “acts of services’’ that need to be done this weekend. They could be household chores, grocery shopping, taking the kids to practice, whatever is on you “to do” list. Assign one task to Jacks, one to Queens, and one to Kings.
Next, shuffle your pack of playing cards then place the stack in the middle of the table. Take turns drawing a card. Each card has a quick “service” to do for your partner (refer to the list below). If you draw a Jack, Queen, or King, keep them next to you. The person with the most Jacks at the end of the game gets to do the Jacks act of service you assigned on your piece of paper (same with Queens and Kings). If you both have two Jacks, Queens, or Kings apiece, then you must do that activity together!
What do with the card you drew:
- 1: Your partner must steal one face card from you!
- 2: Give your partner a 30 second shoulder massage.
- 3: Give your partner a glass of water or refill their current glass.
- 4: Find a comb and brush your partner’s hair for 30 seconds.
- 5: Tell you partner 5 things they did today that you appreciate.
- 6: Find your partner a piece of gum or candy.
- 7: Clean up one thing in the room you are currently in.
- 8: Give your partner a kiss.
- 9: Stare into your partner’s eyes for 15 seconds.
- 10: Write a short note that gives one reason why your partner is awesome. Fold it up and give it to them to open later.
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The concepts of The 5 Love Languages® have been shared with permission. ©1992, 2015 Gary D. Chapman. All rights reserved.